This will no doubt cause the fatal thumb of Messenger group membership deletion to hover next to my name. Ah well, so be it.
One in four of us—and this holds around the globe, not just in the West—are desperately trying to ‘fit in’, because we constantly receive signals that we don’t. That means we are paddling twice as hard as everyone else to do ‘normal’, and we are permanently exhausted, permanently stressed, permanently feeling like a failure, and permanently shit-scared that we will be found out and then ostracised. What’s the fastest way to psychologically destroy someone? Isolate them from others; they become easy pickings for the lions, tigers and bears.
Let’s think about those one in four. Or, in this community’s case, one in three or even one in two; because if you fitted in so well back home why do you live here? The person sitting next to you at an event or a coffee meeting might be really struggling to do ‘normal’, but because they are terrified of being ostracised they will never let their guard down, nor let you know of their struggles. At least not until they run out of energy and cannot perform ‘normal’ any more.
A lot of members of this group are engineers of one sort or another. What’s the quickest way of making a successful cake? A list of ingredients, and a clear path to combining them. What’s the quickest way of creating stress and havoc? Not giving the participants any instructions other than, “you’ll figure it out” and “if you know, you know.” First rule of Fight Club?
But while you continue to have secret rules that one in three other members do not understand, and secret handshakes they cannot decode, an ‘inner cabal’ they cannot join, you are torturing them. Perhaps unwittingly—although from now on ‘wittingly’. You are likely hurting your friend and they fear disclosure so much they will never let you know. Psychological pain eventually filters down to the body, as we all know.
I believe choices have consequences. YMMV.
Oh, and…
Do I know who the strugglers are? Of course I do, that’s my job. Plus, an artist can always recognise another artist, even if they are trying to hide, and even if no one else in the room can see them.
Will I tell you who they are? Absabloodylutely not. That’s not my job. I will take my suspicions and knowledge to my grave, as my ethical code dictates. It’s your job as a fellow human being to find them, support them, and help them feel safe. It’s my job to support them and help them feel safe and understood when their friends couldn’t be arsed to.
But now I await the fatal thumb of membership deletion as it hovers next to my name.
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